Do Not Pass Me By



Each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging

Each time you try and understand because you really care

My heart began to grow wings, very feeble wings, but wings.

With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding

You can breathe life into me. I want you to know that.

I want you to know that you are important to me.

How you can be a creator of the person that is me,

me if you choose to, please choose to.

You alone can break down the wall behind which i tremble.

You alone can remove my mask, you alone can release me.

From my shadow world of panic and uncertainity.

From my lonely prison.

So do not pass me by, please do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach me, the blinder i may strike back.

It's irrational, but despite what the book may say about man,

I am rational.

I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger then strong walls.

And in this lies my hope. My only hope.

Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands.

But with gentle hands.

For every child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know very well.

For i am every man you meet and every woman you meet.

Coming up will soon be your birthday in July.  Today is June 16th,2006. We have observed the Angeldate of June 7th,2008 and now turn to happier remembrances of birthdays.

''""'was  always a nervous wreck at every game.  ''  Nick would say. ''Now I find myself caught up in the action plays of the taped games on DVD.  Whether regular season Slush Puppy Little League play or Babe Ruth All-Star battles to his high school Wolverines and the  semi-pro games, Nick kept it interesting.!  "One of the best things about being the parent of a child  and young adult who played sports is having the opportunity to ride shotgun with him on the journey through the inevitable ups and downs. Yep, I'm one of those dads who subscribes to the theory that I didn't live vicariously  through my son but that I lived vicariously with my son.

Nicholas played for select teams in central Kentucky.  I've been there when he hit his first home run over the fence as a 9-year old and I was also there at a  tournament semi-final game when he struck out with two outs in the last inning of an 8-7 game with the bases loaded.  I am eternally grateful to have been with him at both events.

Watching my son circle the bases was an indescribable feeling that left me speechless.  He felt great about the home run, but selfish or not, I viewed it as a gift to me for all the batting practice  pitches I had thrown to him . And to endure his return pitches that were growing in power,fluidity,and speed.  Being there to give him a hug after he struck out and reassure him that the sun would rise the next day was my gift to him.

It was the right decision for me  to  follow Nick in sports; some may say with a passion. I wanted my son to be passionate and do more than just play the game.  I wanted for him to learn all the life lessons the game teaches. Nick said there were two kinds of people who play the game of baseball,  Those who are humble and those who are about to be.

Sometimes as I watched him in sports and he was competing our relationship could be delicate waters to navigate.  I was a cheerleader , a psychiatrist, or sometimes I felt I needed a whip and chair, There was the verbal kick in the jersey but more than any.., Nick needed reassurance to calm him down.  No matter the gifts he was blessed with, he looked to me to help him get the most out of his ability.

Father's Day 2008 

Sunday,June 15,2008  Happy Father's Day in the hospitol.Hope you get some rest and your broken things fixed.  If you need something father, I will drive it up to U.of K.